I'm MOVIN OUT!

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From a convenient account that I belonged to for 1 year and a half, a bomb exploded last Wednesday confirming that I am to be transferred to the “hardest of the hardest”, an account that I dare not mention but brings chills especially to those who depend on their jobs for bread and butter. The moment we heard of the inevitable, I think it was only me and my friend maintained composure.  The rest? Red-faced, some blue, teary-eyed, tongue-tied,  terrified, lost. The bottomline? RESISTANCE!

As for me, it took me like 12 hours before all sunk in like crazy! Good thing I survived with the support of my husband and friends.

My auto mantra was “change is good…” I had to repeat it like a gazillion times to stay pacified.

Nevertheless, I had to move on and embrace the lonely truth. I am leaving an account that guaranteed easy access to a perfect scorecard, surrounded by friends (most of them I emotionally adopted) and of course the “tax savior”, my 7-hour night differential.

Monday came and training started. I figured it wasn’t that bad at all. Knowledge overload? Yes. Incentive? Promising. Fun co-trainees? Absolutely! I guess there is a silver lining after all.

To my previous account, it has been one of my greatest career pleasures ever. To my babies from both  PHD and MemServ, you will be forever in my heart. . Some of you may have ran to me for guidance but I want you all to know that I myself learned from every sensible conversation that I had with all of you. To my mentors, thank you for the guidance, encouragement and support, you are all amazing. HAPPY THOUGHTS!

Moving forward to my new account is easy with all the support I am getting from family and friends and also to the benefit that my new home could offer that I refused heavily on the past week.

Change is good. It always offers pros and cons since nothing can be perfect anyway so expectations should always be balanced. I am going to keep a balanced outlook for the month’s training and I’ll just give it my best shot.

“The only constant is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be.”
— Isaac Asimov

The 8 Year Old and The Dreaded Chair

Last night, my eight year old daughter was singing an old song that I never thought she could. Of course I dashed beside her and asked her to do it again for me. Alas, as soon as she opened her mouth, amidst the decaying baby teeth, grew her permanent central incisor! I felt excited because finally her permanents are beginning to pop out (the dentist said it was a bit abnormal as to why she still hasn’t grown a single permanent when she’s already 7 ½ yrs old.)

The thought of a dentist’s chair really scares the hell out of my kid so I when she learned that I was bringing her to the dentist the next day, for sure she was devastated and I bet she was thinking, “Why did I have to open my mouth wide 

enough for her to see my tooth?”

After her tutorial the following morning, she was brought by my mom to the dentist. Before I got there, it was a frustrating sight for mom and the dentist. She was sitting on the chair, asking a lot of questions as to how many injections will be given, how many baby teeth will be extracted, etc. etc. that 30 minutes went by without any action done.

When I got there, her dentist seemed to have seen an angelic sight. Maybe she was thinking , “Finally, the miracle has arrived!”

The extraction of four teeth took place for a good 30 minutes. The whole time, I was in monologue, giving her all the guarantees that everything will be fine and that all of the extractions were necessary, that she cannot do anything to stop them.

After her agony on the chair, the first thing she asked was the mirror. I thoroughly explained to her that she’s going to grow beautiful teeth in due time and she seemed contented with my statements.

The Hand That Rocked My World

When I try to look back on the very first memory that I can recall, all I could remember was my sweet smile and endless giggles. Occasional spanking would come and go but I remember a certain grin every time I push and attempt to get away with something.

Growing up was easy for I was well provided with the necessities and would occasionally get simple indulgences even when the budget was tied at some point.

Accomplishments were always possible because of that certain presence of support. I bet I had a number one fan to motivate me to do more. All in all, I can say that I was nurtured with a stern yet graceful being who didn’t mind becoming part of the sidelines.  

I patronized the notion that freedom is equal to rebellion for I can do anything I could possibly want yet I was understood and loved unconditionally. I have lambasted a heart that just wanted me to be secure, dignity intact.

I chose another ally who may have taught me a lot too yet not realizing that the unnecessary alienation brought tears of sadness in a heart that only wanted love, recognition, respect and loyalty.

Wrong choices slapped me like crazy that I have become numb with the endless counts of bad consequences and even if I may feel alone, crying on my own, I know it’s not true because someone was crying with me. Chances were indirectly thrown at me and made me realize that I just have to move on and straighten up my crooked life.

I am far from being a perfect child but the compassion of a forgiving being made me believe I can still reform and straighten up a crooked life.

A million thanks will never suffice. So, every single day, I try to give back, in an attempt to show that I have changed. Time may never be enough but it’s worth giving it my best shot.

To the hand that rocked my world, I salute you for everything that you have done. I know I could never be like you but I will strive to become even an ounce of you for my children’s sake. 

I love you mommy.

Happy Mothers’ Day…

Little

Away From the Claws of the Savages

I missed my high school reunion this year.  I’m having mixed emotions about it because I wanted to go but I’d rather not. Ironic huh?

I graduated from a public school wherein I had a front row seat to the “dog-eat-dog” scenario.  It may not have been physically violent but the pressure in itself just to stay on top was exhausting for some and I guess torture to others.  I was one of the very few who didn’t have to lift a finger in order to sustain my spot. As a matter of fact my so called handlers were my teachers. Who would be more fitting to back up ones success but them?

Maybe because I had a blast in high school that’s why I have always had the urge of going back to my alma mater whenever possible.  I wanted to feel the atmosphere and reminisce the many beautiful and exciting memories I had during my teenage years.

Now, why did I not attend today’s festivities? Well, because I decided not to stress myself with classmates who never seemed to have gotten over their insecurities for two decades now.  I can’t stand those who need to make a scene in order to be noticed and belittle those who are less fortunate than them.  I despise those who take pleasure out of other people’s miseries.  I abhor being the target of inconceivable   fabrication.

I just can’t fathom such a reality.  I understand that a major factor of who I am is an output of my teenage years but as I age I expect myself to learn about life and expect that I become a better person brought about by my timely maturity.  I never patronized the fib that one would stay despicable throughout the years because each one of us have a choice. High school life may not have been a bed of roses 24/7, but such negativities in my past should never be allowed to control my being.

If asked whether I’m attending next year’s reunion or not, I am still uncertain. It may be wishful thinking to ask for bullies to reform but well nothing to lose.    If I am able to witness even an ounce of change that would be beneficial to most of us if not all, maybe then I will have the enthusiasm to participate in the celebration.  As of now, I prefer to be on the sidelines, quietly observing while enjoying a serene life, away from the claws of these savages.